jeff yen

Online ordinations.

I've been toying with the idea of becoming an ordained minister via an online service. This is mostly because I think it'd be kind of cool to be one, especially since I have no serious religious convictions. Luckily, my pastoral urges don't extend so far into the ironic/hypocritical/blasphemous spectrum as for me to attempt a Christian ordination; I would no sooner try to be a Christian reverend than I would try to become an imam or a rabbi.

So I turned to these "universal churches" that have sprung up all over the place. After a little surfing and research, one thing kind of turned me off to the whole thing. Most of these places charge an ordination fee (some are free, but offer a "premium package" to receive the actual title of Reverend or Minister), and many of them place suspicious emphases on the potential tax, earnings, and business benefits that could be accorded to an ordained minister. I should interject that the fees don't bother me; I can see how the churches need to cover the costs of the time and resources involved in ordaining every cyber-Joe Blow that comes along. But the touting of the financial benefits of ordination, it kind of tarnishes the spirit of the occasion, like seeing "YahWheaties," or "Pepsi presents: The Bible!"

In the end, though, all I wanted to do was use the crossed-fingers-thing at people and shout Latin phrases at them (Ave Maria! Pro bono post-coital tobaccum!) until they either left me alone or bought me a drink, with the knowledge that I had the full power of the (a) C(c)hurch behind me.

They don't let you do exorcisms though, so that's a no-go anyway.

Faeces erat demonstrandum.