Small town life and stupid movies
So I recently moved from San Diego to a small town in Northern California. I have to say I like the atmosphere, but there are a few things that take some getting used to. For example:
1) This being a fairly quiet little town, the cops have nothing to do. Consequently, I got slapped with a $30 parking fine for parking behind some dude who had taken up 2 parking spaces along a street. That guy had the good fortune to leave before the cops came, so it looked like I had taken up two spaces. I committed this heinous crime ostensibly to protect my shiny, pristine, 1996 Nissan Sentra (86K miles and it looks like a green turd on wheels) from any superficial paint damage. Seeing as my car is worth virtually tens of dollars on the open market these days, you can see how I would want to protect my investment.
2) Four-way stops. What is up with four way stops?? I used to think how great it would be, not to have to wait for traffic lights to give you permission to cross an intersection. Now that I'm confronted with a grid street system plagued by four-way stops, I've come to fear the red octagon. If an intersection isn't deserted by the time I reach a four-way stop, I know I'm in for a white-knuckled minute or two, eyeing motorists and pedestrians alike with a jaundiced eye. I should probably learn how 4-way stops work. Hey look, a penny!
3) Convenience. If I want to find a fantastic lunch spot, I just walk a couple blocks from the front steps of the place I'm staying. If I want to find a hippy bookstore, an asian food mart, a quirky restaurant, an eclectic coffee shop, or a classy Indian restaurant? Same thing. Very convenient. However. If I want to go to Target and pick up some random household item, I need to drive 15 miles on the freeway to get to one. Similarly for Sears, etc. So that's a mixed bag right there.
4) Friendly people. People are so friendly here, it's weird. I've seen so many bared teeth, I'm almost at the point where I'm starting to worry that possibly these people are all just cannibals, and they're in the mood for Chinese.
Anyway. I'm having fun. I'm already looking for some work to occupy my time. I've discovered that free time is vastly overrated, unless you have something or someone to occupy it, at which point I suppose it isn't free anymore. Take that, logic!
One of the things I've done with my free time is think about all the movies based on comic books and video games lately. This really only took up about 3 minutes, but I was amused by the idea of the movie industry becoming so devoid of original thought that they started to make movie versions of all kinds of old video games:
1) Pong : From the creator of "The Ring" and "The Grudge," this is the story of a young Japanese boy who is trapped between two divorced parents who beat him mercilessly with paddles, then send him to the other's house. Eventually, I dunno. He turns grey or blue or something, and sucks the soul out of some teenaged girl. Also, lots of running water. Additionally, to add to the underground, artsy feel, his name is Koji or some shit, not Pong. Just watch those dirty Americans figure that one out! Bahahaha, just like that office calisthenics crap we pulled on them in the 80s!
2) Steve Irwin's Frogger : 97 minutes of Steve being eaten by crocodiles and run over by cars. Predicted to make $2 billion in Australia over its opening weekend.
3) Karateka, starring Steven Seagal, Chuck Norris, Jean-Claude Van Damme, David Carradine, and uh... Mr. T. What? Best movie ever. You don't even need a plot. All those guys could just stand around scratching their asses on screen, and it would still be awesome.
4) Spy Hunter : Starring, who else? David Hasselhoff and KITT. Second best movie ever.
5) David Lynch's Oregon Trail : A romantic comedy set in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. At one point, a buffalo wanders past in the background, silhouetted against a red sheet. A creepy midget says, "Doesn't she look just like..." before he dies of cholera and is buried next to a pile of buffalo and rabbit corpses. All the Fremen are carried away in the river when their wagon tips over.