jeff yen

Unfocused_tirades++

A lot of people, including me, piss and moan about mainstream news media. I have no idea what "mainstream media" actually means, but I'll assume for the purposes of this diatribe that it involves all the major news outlets  -- which, really, mostly just copy-paste their news from AP or Reuters. But I digress....

Generally, all this pissing has assumed a kind of knee-jerk quality. Metaphorical, that is, not canine. If you see something moronic on the news, you get to automatically roll your eyes and make a mental note. Then you save it up so you can snark away the next time you're hanging out with friends. That way everyone of like mind can stand around and agree with each other, like some kind of spontaneous pseudo-intellectual circle jerk.

Ahem.

Uh... sorry about that.

Anyway, the mainstream media is pretty much what we've made of it. We're so desperately bored by information, now. It needs to dance and sing and bat its eyelashes at us. Numbers need to spin and sparkle, and make jangling noises that tickle our hindbrains. It's little wonder, then, that the major news networks typically have about the same substantive (and stylistic) value as a slot machine in a Vegas 7-11.

I don't think anybody really, truly believes that Fox News actually delivers news anymore. People who say they do might actually think they do, but in reality they just believe that Fox represents what they already think.

Take note: these people are stupid assholes.

But of course, that's my point too. News isn't news. Whatever they don't read off the wire is all just editorials now. The major outlets are really just ideological cheerleaders. Once you hear what news channel someone watches, it's just another way to bottle them up into a stereotype. You already know all their chants.

All you closed-minded fundamentalists, strap on your shoulder holsters and swagger down to Fox News.

You whiny under-testosteronized liberals, get your Priuses (Prii? Pria?) in gear and cruise on over to the warm embrace of MSNBC.

And you sweater-vest-wearing intellectual snobs, tune your iPhones to your local NPR station (what, like you're too good to watch TV, you jagoffs?).

Full disclosure: I listen to NPR -- even donated, this year -- and don't have cable TV service. But I despise anything iEtc., think the Prius is kinda cool but overrated, and I used to own a handgun.

I guess that makes me the biggest asshole here. Unless the goatse guy is reading this. In which case, I just have to say: Okay, seriously... what the fuck, man?

Anyway. If you hate the mainstream news so much, stop watching it.

If enough people share your disgust -- and I use Fox News as an example, only because to me they are by far the most ridiculous -- and tune out, they'll either wither away and die, or you'll suddenly see Bill O'Reilly start preaching the benefits of welfare and universal healthcare. All any media is, is a filter for information. Find one that suits your tastes.

If not, then just admit you watch it because it gives you some sort of pleasure. Even if it's from righteous anger, scorn, or judgment handed down from the lofty perch of your mighty intellect, then the mainstream media is doing its job... It's entertaining you.

Wait... you actually want unbiased information? Freak.

I'll say this: I think NPR is the best source for unbiased information, but of course I myself am biased, so you can't trust anything I say. Yeeha!