Westward Ho!
In ten days, I'll be heading west. Since I'm already at the far western edge of the West -- excepting Hawaii, I guess -- I'll end up in the Far East, so that should be a charming little mental exercise for those who persist in their conviction that Earth is flat. May it cause their minds to open -- or failing that, their heads to rupture.
As I continue to check my rapidly diminishing bank balances, it has become increasingly clear to me that this trip is made possible only by the generosity of my friends, to a lesser extent family, and even virtual strangers. I've been offered free plane tickets, discounted hotel rooms, storage space, places to crash, valuable advice, stern lectures, and bracing pep talks.
It's hard for me to accept all this help sometimes, because I often feel wholly inadequate to the task of repaying the favors. Of course, as someone is constantly having to remind me, a friendship is not a meticulously balanced network of obligations. This is something I need to be taught over and over again, probably because this is exactly how my parents regard most social interactions. This likely also explains why I love giving gifts so much, and am so spectacularly graceless at receiving them.
Anyway.
Now that my flights are set, and I have the first four or five days of hotels booked (an astonishingly upscale hotel for a shamefully low price), the trip is taking on a greater solidity and immediacy than it has ever had before.
Someone mentioned how funny it would be, if I spent all this money and went through all this hassle to prepare for this trip, then ended up just sitting on my ass like I always do. I readily admitted that it was something I was worrying about on a regular basis, and knowing for a fact that THIS is how and when I'm getting there, and THIS is how and when I'm getting back, engenders a sense of relief in me that I cannot even begin to describe.
Of course, since it's my nature, I still can't stop worrying. It's a big trip -- like nothing I've attempted before -- and there are a lot of unknowns, which always makes me uneasy. This is a good thing, of course, but that doesn't stop this low-grade panic from inhabiting my dreams.
I'm not sure if I'm ready for it, but I'm looking forward to finding out.