RSS
 

Archive for April, 2009

Hot for doctor

09 Apr

I’m now officially homeless (again), and it’s kind of a mixed bag. On the one hand, the sensation of freedom is exhilarating, and unloading some of the emotional baggage associated with my apartment doesn’t hurt, either. It’s also nice knowing my “no fixed street address” status is only going to be for a week, until I upgrade to “no fixed country” status for a few months.

On the other hand, I still remember the immense feelings of relief and proud ownership when I moved back into my own place a few years ago. After living with the putrid squalor of my old roommates in Sacramento — there has been mention on here of toilet seats adorned with freshly trimmed pubes, which was their work, as was the unflushed, plugged toilet on the first day of the lease; somehow the fact that they were girls makes it worse — having a private space to call my own was extraordinarily gratifying.

So even now, I’m kind of thinking forward to having that again, and whether or not I’m going to try to make it something more permanent, finally.

Amusingly, now that I am essentially out on my ass in the street, what’s inside my car is worth quite a lot more than the car itself, both materially and psychologically. There’s maybe a couple thousand in photography equipment, another couple thousand in camping equipment, not to mention clothes, bedding, hardware, miscellaneous electronics, and so on. Compare that to the estimated $2500 Blue Book on my car, and I’m left draping old towels over my expensive shit to make it look as much like a hobo’s car as possible.

This does not, I should mention, make driving past the regulars at my coffeeshop an ego-boosting experience. They already know I spend way too much time sitting in the coffeeshop; now they all think I live in my car, too.

Granted, I’d be a reasonably dressed hobo with a staggering amount of high-end electronics who doesn’t smell like he slept in his own urine, but in this economy, I’m thinking there are plenty of those hanging about.

Case in point, a couple weeks ago I saw a photo spread of some of those tent slums in California. To my dismay, trumping even my natural feelings of sympathy for these nouveau pauvre was a deep appreciation for their tent selection. They had some seriously nice gear out there.

So, say hello to the new me: high-tech vagrant.

 
 

Westward Ho!

05 Apr

In ten days, I’ll be heading west. Since I’m already at the far western edge of the West — excepting Hawaii, I guess — I’ll end up in the Far East, so that should be a charming little mental exercise for those who persist in their conviction that Earth is flat. May it cause their minds to open — or failing that, their heads to rupture.

As I continue to check my rapidly diminishing bank balances, it has become increasingly clear to me that this trip is made possible only by the generosity of my friends, to a lesser extent family, and even virtual strangers. I’ve been offered free plane tickets, discounted hotel rooms, storage space, places to crash, valuable advice, stern lectures, and bracing pep talks.

It’s hard for me to accept all this help sometimes, because I often feel wholly inadequate to the task of repaying the favors. Of course, as someone is constantly having to remind me, a friendship is not a meticulously balanced network of obligations. This is something I need to be taught over and over again, probably because this is exactly how my parents regard most social interactions. This likely also explains why I love giving gifts so much, and am so spectacularly graceless at receiving them.

Anyway.

Now that my flights are set, and I have the first four or five days of hotels booked (an astonishingly upscale hotel for a shamefully low price), the trip is taking on a greater solidity and immediacy than it has ever had before.

Someone mentioned how funny it would be, if I spent all this money and went through all this hassle to prepare for this trip, then ended up just sitting on my ass like I always do. I readily admitted that it was something I was worrying about on a regular basis, and knowing for a fact that THIS is how and when I’m getting there, and THIS is how and when I’m getting back, engenders a sense of relief in me that I cannot even begin to describe.

Of course, since it’s my nature, I still can’t stop worrying. It’s a big trip — like nothing I’ve attempted before — and there are a lot of unknowns, which always makes me uneasy. This is a good thing, of course, but that doesn’t stop this low-grade panic from inhabiting my dreams.

I’m not sure if I’m ready for it, but I’m looking forward to finding out.