Picky picky
I know... crappy post. I'm just trying to get back in the swing of things; sorry.
I've recently decided to embark on a new hobby, which involves sticking pointy bits of metal inside locks to make them open without a key. This has tended to evoke a raised-eyebrow sort of reaction from people when I mention it. I suppose it's fairly understandable; lock picking is generally understood to be something of an anti-social activity, associated with things like cat burglars and James Bond.
Being associated with James Bond might seem like a pretty good thing, until you think a bit and realize he's actually kind of a sociopathic dick. I suppose it's not really his fault; I'd have a hard time being civil too, if I knew I could put a pistol round through the tires of every un-muffled Harley I saw, and the worst I'd get would be a stern talking-to from Judy Densch.
In the end, regardless of how long they've known me or how jokingly they mean it, people generally assume I am learning how to pick locks so that I can enter their homes while they're at work and commit deeds of unspeakable evil, like make combination mobiles/lamps from lingerie (brassieredeliers, I would call them), or eat all the cheese.
And I suppose these are valid concerns. I do love me some cheese.
So why lock picking?
Kind of like this.
Primarily, I just think it's kind of cool. It has also given me a new perspective on just how insecure most consumer level locks are. Much like banks or the stock market, they only work when everyone thinks they do. So really, our society is based on the honor system. Even locks, which are supposed to keep out the parts of society who don't follow the system. After a week of practice, it takes me anywhere between one to ten minutes to pick the Master brand padlock I bought -- a fairly beefy version that I wouldn't have thought twice about putting on a shed, or or fence -- and about the same to pick a little luggage lock.
On top of that, picking these locks is kind of the dumb way to do it; "shimming" most padlocks can be done with a pair of shears, an empty soda can, and a couple of minutes.
Anyway, it's been interesting, and it promises to get better. My next step is going to be a Kwikset deadbolt -- the kind that I've seen in use everywhere (like on my parents' place, and most apartments I've lived in).
So… hide your cheese, folks.
June 5th, 2010 - 13:44
Jeff,
Just as I feared. You move to China and within months you have become a no-good-nick communist. Oh you thought I didn’t notice the whole part about hating the way people try to keep their personal possessions and cheese from the masses?!
If you’re going to continue to pursue this hobby, I can only hope you’ll change your FB profile pic to a sort of Asian MacGruber. I’d also like to see you join a thieves guild, either in the real world (preferred) or an online D&D community (almost as good, better in some ways).
And while I didn’t really follow the entire thumb saga, I’m going to go ahead and assume you severed it entirely and were unable to reattach it, making you the Jango Reinhardt of lock pickers.
Cheers to anti-social hobbies!
- Brian
June 6th, 2010 - 09:29
I don’t hate how people kept their personal possessions from the masses; just from me. The thumb is okay; it’s kind of a thumblet now… or “thub,” as it’s known in the lawyer/patissier community… but it’s not really noticeable anymore. Don’t get me going on antisocial hobbies; before I got started on this, I read a book about pickpocketing. Turns out, I’m not that good of a mark… but almost all the tourists I see walking around with fanny packs or neck wallets are basically hanging out the ‘rob me’ flag.
June 5th, 2010 - 21:37
Fascinating. I’m sold. You have motivated me to learn (or I guess technically, re-learn) lockpicking. Do you have access to a schlage? I always wondered if there was a big difference between the master vs schlage. Hmm…maybe there should be a lock of the month club…I can send you interesting locks from here and you can send me some chinese counterparts with various ratings. lol. And remember this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8XxcOj3Seo
June 6th, 2010 - 09:37
Whoa, I guess Wordbooker automatically posts comments from my weblog on my page. Crepy.
Anyway… Han, I don’t have a Schlage, but I’ve heard the main thing that makes them harder to pick are the way the wards are made — they just make it harder for you to get a pick and torque wrench in the keyway. The higher end ones probably have security pins too — spools and stuff that will false-set, but any higher end lock will have pick-resistant pins like that.
People don’t realize that the folks who really have any incentive to use lockpicks are locksmiths and maybe law enforcement, most of the time. If someone wants to get into your house, smashing a window or kicking in a door is way easier and quicker.
Chinese locks, as far as I’ve seen, are mostly copies of models found elsewhere (all the padlocks in a nearby shop look like Master clones).
June 6th, 2010 - 01:15
Sounds like a cool new hobby. I don’t usually keep that much cheese in my place anyway, so no big loss.
June 6th, 2010 - 09:42
Pickpocketing? Really? And what is a “neck wallet”? Is this for dudes or women?
June 6th, 2010 - 09:56
Hey, one of these days, we should set up an online private media storage that we can have access to. I would like it so that we can share stuff within the group. An online ~petabyte drive would be nice.
June 6th, 2010 - 10:13
One of those wallets that hang on a string around your neck; supposed to go under your shirt for protection/security, but a lot of people just wear them like purses, or have such thin shirts that it’s easy to see the outline… thieves can just snip the string and catch the falling wallet while the mark is staring at the skyscrapers. I brought a couple money belts with me, but don’t use them anymore; now I just use my money clip and have it in the same pocket as my knife and pen. Fiddly to get out when I need it, but more trouble than it’s worth for pickpockets… sits deep in the pocket and they can’t “bump” it out.
A lot of dudes here, especially the richer ones, use man-purses. Like, full on leather designer handbags. And they’re always going on about how pickpockets are everywhere. I feel like there’s probably a market here for high end personal accessories that aren’t functionally counterproductive, but there’s no telling what people will like.
If you want to go to Jayant’s and upgrade my NAS to an 8-bay server with all 2TB drives, I’d be up for that… otherwise I feel like the server would get raided when you start storing all your *ahem* illicit materials.