jeff yen

I got it into my head, mostly through boredom, to get a home carbonation system. I was tired of going to Costco to buy huge flats of Perrier or Pellegrino, hauling them back to my apartment, and then figuring out where to stash and subsequently dispose of the unreasonable number of bottles that accumulated.

Should be easy, right? Water… carbon dioxide… and hey presto, sparkling water. Water comes out of my tap (and my Brita filter), and CO2 is cheap as hell.

So I started doing research… as everyone does, these days… with Google. I eventually found Soda Club, which was pretty much what I was looking for. The system buy-in was steep, but not unreasonable… about $125 for a starter kit ($100 for the machine and 2 CO2 bottles, plus an extra bottle to use while the other two are being refilled).

The machine looked well-made, the reviews were nearly universally positive, and more importantly they’re the only consumer choice available, unless you get a seltzer siphon, which is impractically expensive and (reportedly) produces mildly fizzy water barely worth the name.

But then I took a look at the recurring costs. As any geek worth the name can tell you, the real price of a cell phone is in the contract. They force you into exclusivity with one supplier, and the recurring costs quickly mount up to counter any possible discount you may have had on the initial product.

Just as with cell phones, a little digging on Soda Club reveals that they essentially operate on the same business plan. Their CO2 bottles are proprietary, and they charge an arm and a leg for refills. They even hold a patent on their custom valve, which is basically expressly engineered to prevent people from refilling the bottles by themselves.

Sorry, I’m not going to hoik over $120 to a company that operates on the principle of “if I can’t have it, no-one can.” At this point, I’ve basically given up. Fortunately, a little more idle Googling (is there any other kind?) turns up this DIY page, which details how to build your own home carbonation kit, and a fun little video on how to use it. Seems easy enough.

There were a couple things that bothered me about it; namely, it uses a gigantic CO2 tank which would never fit in my apartment, and there were too many parts and tools involved. I’m not a DIY type of person; the only tool I really have is my pocketknife.

So, I made a few adjustments and came up with the following parts list:

- Regulator – $43
– 2.5-lb CO2 Tank – $56
– Hose nozzle thing – $6
– Bottle nozzle thing – $20
– Hose and clamps @ Lowe’s – $2
– Teflon tape – $1
– TOTAL: $128, let’s round up to $140 for taxes and whatever else I missed.

Yes, this system now costs about $20 more than the Soda Club system buy-in. However, refilling a 2.5lb CO2 tank at any number of local merchants costs me $7.99. Soda Club wants $12.50 plus shipping and handling to refill a 14.5oz tank. Even without factoring in shipping and handling, my first tank refill saves me $26 and change over an equivalent volume of CO2 from Soda Club.

And as for assembly… it really couldn’t have been easier.

Step 1: Cut a hole in the… no, wait. Wrap the tank thread with teflon tape and [See the comments] screw on the regulator.

Step 2: Realize you’re an idiot, unscrew the regulator.

Step 3: Put the hose, hose nozzle thing, and regulator together, along with the hose clamps. Screw the clamps down tight.

Step 4: Screw the regulator back onto the tank. IM your friend and tell him that if you don’t IM him again in five minutes, call an ambulance. Then carbonate your first bottle of homemade sparkly goodness!

If you’re not dead or mangled at this point, you should probably seriously re-evaluate the life choices that led you to this weblog, and any particular personal deficiencies that caused you to read it.

Also, IM your buddy and tell him to call off the Five-O.